feed well

Sometimes God want us to meet many people before we meet the right one. And it is not exactly wrong, even love doesn’t there. A meet still give us a space of hope and fulfill our need of caring. We grow up in situation and help each other in our time of difficulty. It ended when one is decided that his love is too much to her and destroy the balance of need.

New York, 2/11/2008

hey you,

i just want you to let you know that i still have a feeling on you. it’s been a year, but i think it’s just stay the same. the only differences is now i don’t burdening you emotionally as i found my life here. sometimes if you feel i didn’t care on you, it’s just a denial on myself. it’s not easy for me to keep caring on you as i did, meanwhile you have no feeling to me. but i always keep my eyes on you.

i do understand that your top priority in your life is your career. but im sure i can support you from here. well’ actually i really have no idea where i should bring this relationship. but i want it. my feeling to you regardless the past, because i want you be my future. I do accept you just the way you are. if i want you later after i met you,it might be merely more physical attraction. but i want you because you were there when i was alone and weak. so no matter what will happen later i will still care on you. With your passion on life, career and point of view, i will keep support you on every decision you make. I know i might only be your alternate emotional compensation as you just lost someone which have been years as your emotional dependency. but i think i don’t care.

My heart is belong to you for more than a year. I just put inside the box in the corner. you can take it or just leave it there. But for sure, i always here when you need me.  I will never let you go.

happy valentine girl

Setting up Christmas tree and tune in holy jolly Christmas songs CD was yearly ritual on my childhood. I raised in proper Christian way, Sunday school and weekly church.  though my parents are not religious, but there is a big portrait of Jesus Christ in our family room. I know my father bought it when he had a good time in the church since the preacher is so funny. Since Mr.Benny Santoso died, he prefer burn an incense again at 12 am.
Growing up, i have a better understanding of religion. It doesn’t mean a faith improvement, but it’s more a logical explanation which is paradox with my faith since i was a child. I’m start thinking that religion is merely a human cultural. Built as a searching of all unexplained question of human existence. They start it with animism, paganism, polytheism, then monotheism.  I sometimes feel skeptic with a Christian new born doctrine, I’m thinking repentance is only a natural human mental development to reach psychology stability. Religion is only one tool for it. If you have faith on yourself, you don’t need a religion. So i guess i have a reason to go to church only twice a year. Sometimes if my friend ask me to play tennis, i will skip my easter eve.
However,when years goes by, and i trace back of what had happened in my life.  I do realize God make all of good things and bad as a bless for me. Many things hard too understand before. Full of denial and confusing when i try to rationalize what had happened to me. Now, all of those things are too good to be true and too many impossible coincidence happened. He tie and knit Time, Worse choice, and Loneliness into the way i am. A thankful and free of fear through the valley of the shadow of death.

After all, i realize… all of physical stuff (logic, vision, knowledge) doesn’t work in the term of God. But feeling and believing are. There is a bigger chance that afterlife there is no heaven, or even God doesn’t exist. Since nobody ever came back from heaven. But believing is an option. And i choose to believe. Even though i am wrong, as long as i believe my choice is right. I am happy with it. and thank God for His blessing each and everyday. And those days are the days i find God.
Merry Christmas to you guys!

Ronald,

Regards,
Bright Potter Jrn,
Organizer For The Family.
+44 703 197 1190

This fu**in’ scammer put an online ads in NY local job portal (craigslist.com) looking for a photographer to shoot his event in North Carolina. He use 2 different email address for the ads (potter009@gmail.com and diego01@yahoo.com) but only the first email replied my message. After we got deal with the price, he said he will send a cheque as an advance payment. The letter above stated that he is a British, but from daily email IP address, i found that he live in California. Well, i thought he might be British American. After a week suddenly i received another email from second email address. With exactly the same letter but different city and different date for the event. Since that time i know he is a scammer. I put his email in google search, and there’s someone share about the way this scammer fooled him.

http://www.terrificpets.com/scams/scam.asp?bad=4852&typ=Buyer

He ruin my dream to buy a new camera lens. I don’t want this just over easily. I want him upset, insecure and feel stupid. Here’s his trick. He sent amount of cheque which far more than the deal. and he want me to deducted $1000 from that $2300 and send it back to him by western union. Citibank will put $2300 directly to my account but need time to figure it out that either it is a blank cheque or a fake cheque. If i did send him 1000$ after few days i lost $1000 and Citibank will debit my account back $2300 when Citibank figure it out that it is a fake cheque. I asked him to do a wire transfer with hope i can trace his identity through Citibank. but he keep telling me to use western union. That is the way he keep his identity. So i follow his game by create a made up western union transfer number. I buy his time, made up password and keep telling him that i did transfer the $1000. He called me 9 times in the last two days and thinking i really send the money. I imagine he go back and forth to western union and keep telling the same password to the officer. hahhaha. that is hilarious. you play me, i play you. and this is the best part of all (my last email from about total of 20 emails):

Dear Mr.Potter,

I do apologize if my service is not satisfy you, and i do apologize if i make you go back and forth to western union. But i really thank you for this entertaining game. Your hoping of my $1000 gave me the best laugh since i came to America. I knew that you are a scammer a week before i received your cheque. I am sorry to take your time and money for mailing FedEx. And especially ruin your hope of my $1000. And thank you for your calling and all of your email which let us collect data from your IP address and from GPS satellite. Wherever you are, Nigeria, Sunnyville, or Visalia, California. Please watch your back anytime you are using the same IP address. I have reported you to the police since a week ago and they have send all of the data here: http://www.ic3.gov/ So my suggestion is "You better leave your town or at least move your apartment". HAHHAHA. unless you want to be in jail. and please keep send me an email so i know that you haven’t been in jail YET. And keep calling the number i gave you whenever you have a free time. ok. hehehe. Keep on practicing, your trick is not professional enough. Get back to me at your soonest convenience.

Sincerely yours
Ronald Leonardi

Living in multicultural society offer me a bunch dishes from around the world. Lebanese  food is my fave. Their steam rice with lamb is excellent. Beside Lebanese,i have try these kind of food : British ,French Marrakesh, Turkish, Indian, Cuban, Peruvian, Afghanistan,  Austrian, Polish, Ethiopian, Nepali, Danish, Bangladesh, Greek, Russian, Philippines. And of course these following cuisine : Malaysian, Thailand, Japanese, Vietnamese, Italian, Korean, Mexico, Chinese (since it’s easy to find them in Indonesia)

I bought this racquet only for $25 in Paragon Sporting House as it was on warehouse for more than 3 years. It sold for $131 in ebay today. What a selling! I get rid from that racquet which hurt my thumb and got extra $100.

My first PC was IBM 486,Mini tower with 80MB HD Storage, and i played “Prince of Persia” under 4 bit format (4 bit = 16 colors) with a rough pixel on it. My first email was eudoramail, i got rid of it after eudora asked me to pay monthly, and hail yahoo free email and its unlimited storage! I joined friendster on March 2004, I think it was quite new that time, because i recomanded it to my cousin in HK before it boom there. And you see now, friendster, email, computer are our life now.I bet everyone who has touched computer at least has one email address. And younger generation nowdays have at least one friendster account (indonesian,big city). As a result of this rapid growth of technology is the change of communication. Direct communication, emotional expression, and thought were transform into digital one (email, friendster testimonial, blog, e-card, etc). If you stay for a long time in country with a good internet infrastructure and someone put your name in google search engine, he / she at least will find your achievement, your academic background, maybe your address,and some story of your life, from there maybe he/she can know about your job, your hobby, etc. Your online status will be easily detect by another user through your IP address. Yahoo messenger, Yahoo email,and any kind of browsing activity in the internet will leave a trace. We can find time and position when they online, open our blog, our email, our website, etc. We can find what kind of browser they use. PC or Mac etc. If your husband said he will go to Bandung for a bussiness, and he open your email with IP address on “Puncak”, it means your husband cheating. loll. If you are not really aware on url address,someone could steal your password easily. So… beware on your privacy in internet as technology sometimes reveal too much.

We have to be thankful if our karma comes sooner,because God want us to realize our fault and enlight our life. It is a gift if it happened just to ourself because it didn’t take someone we love, it hundred times worse to see it turn back to someone we love. If your bad karma happened to you it means god forgive you. He don’t want put it in your afterlife (heaven and hell) nor in your next life (reincarnation)  but sometimes we will never get back our bad karma, some say because we have a good karma in our previous life, but i believe we still have to pay it no matter what.

Karma not only work mystically or spiritually. But it work Psychologically, by creating a guilty feeling and barrier of emotion. Its kind of disease, contaminate your life…. Keep you away from some luck, and opportunity.  And create a fear of the same sin that you did to someone. And unconsciously, you were inside the circle of karma. Your sin is a pay back for someone’s sin, and someone’s sin to you become your karma.

check my photography portfolio here :  http://leonarditan.multiply.com/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/12399591@N08/sets/72157601980301834/show/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13993573@N06/sets/72157602243092988/show/

me beyond the star
couldnt reach it…
she’s the star itself
wouldnt be touch?

my little star keep blinking your smile
share some lite in this dawn
move the sky into starry nite

im just a dreamer
tryin’ to catch my lil’ star

August,19th,2007
2.28 am
New York

félicitations sur votre mariage !

Thanks Soraya for tagging me. Check this out http://missdesaire.blogs.friendster.com/miss_de_siare/2007/08/i_tagged.html#comments

This is the instruction: Once you’re tagged, write 6 wierd things about your self. Then tag another 6 people ensuring that you tell them this same instruction.

I got tagged. So its my turn :

1. I speak Javanese, English, Indonesian and Sundanese all with Javanese accent. But wonderin’ why i can’t speak chinese
2. I always mess up my room and put anthing in improper place. And once upon a time i broke my glasses as i sat on it.
3. I don’t like to mix a chili in my food. Not only chilli, but i always put various dishes and spices in separate place and mix it in my mouth. well… i think thats not wierd, but my friends told me that thats really wierd.
4. I can use both left and right hand on my mouse. Really helpful if  i have to work overtime.
5. Well….i really find a hard time to find another. bcos i just a common, standard person. i’ll put it later.

I’m gonna tag:
1.Fatma  2.Matthew  3.etc