feed well

Setting up Christmas tree and tune in holy jolly Christmas songs CD was yearly ritual on my childhood. I raised in proper Christian way, Sunday school and weekly church.  though my parents are not religious, but there is a big portrait of Jesus Christ in our family room. I know my father bought it when he had a good time in the church since the preacher is so funny. Since Mr.Benny Santoso died, he prefer burn an incense again at 12 am.
Growing up, i have a better understanding of religion. It doesn’t mean a faith improvement, but it’s more a logical explanation which is paradox with my faith since i was a child. I’m start thinking that religion is merely a human cultural. Built as a searching of all unexplained question of human existence. They start it with animism, paganism, polytheism, then monotheism.  I sometimes feel skeptic with a Christian new born doctrine, I’m thinking repentance is only a natural human mental development to reach psychology stability. Religion is only one tool for it. If you have faith on yourself, you don’t need a religion. So i guess i have a reason to go to church only twice a year. Sometimes if my friend ask me to play tennis, i will skip my easter eve.
However,when years goes by, and i trace back of what had happened in my life.  I do realize God make all of good things and bad as a bless for me. Many things hard too understand before. Full of denial and confusing when i try to rationalize what had happened to me. Now, all of those things are too good to be true and too many impossible coincidence happened. He tie and knit Time, Worse choice, and Loneliness into the way i am. A thankful and free of fear through the valley of the shadow of death.

After all, i realize… all of physical stuff (logic, vision, knowledge) doesn’t work in the term of God. But feeling and believing are. There is a bigger chance that afterlife there is no heaven, or even God doesn’t exist. Since nobody ever came back from heaven. But believing is an option. And i choose to believe. Even though i am wrong, as long as i believe my choice is right. I am happy with it. and thank God for His blessing each and everyday. And those days are the days i find God.
Merry Christmas to you guys!